1shot Dear Diary
by elishia-no-baka
Summary: Hinatas written inside her diary. one sided hinataXneji but hopefully it's really not. uhm...her perspective if she ever had to move to Suna away from Konoha, her realization and denial of feelings for Neji and uhm.....better than it sounds... for reals


I Don't own any characters that originate from Naruto, that AWSOME creation of the AWESOME masashi... I know.. sad...anyways uhm yeh...

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Dear diary,

I am not allowed to love like him. He is my cousin…. Sure it doesn't matter at all in clans like ours and we aren't related close enough (but just barely) to have something really weird happen with the genetics but I-I I can't…. perhaps I should explain the situation more… I had been training for so long away from Konoha by fathers orders that I missed everyone very, very deeply… at times I wanted to die, that's how much I missed them… but I couldn't blame father at all…he may not like me very much but even so….a very few glimpses of him caring is enough to assure me he did this for the clan, and my well being. It may have been selfish for him…but I know he believed it to be right so it must have been so…

I made many friends while I was in Suna. Yep, I got sent to the sandy pits of hell…I hated it so much… the winds there did a number on my naturally nice hair…and that sand **burns** when it gets in your eyes, I was quit constantly close to tears! Tears I say! Now I did happen to make a few good friends, like this wonderful blond girl Temari, she was at the Chuunin Exams. Gaara and Kankuro are her brothers. Kankuro seemed nice enough at first, but eventually he revealed his mean side. He would hurt his sister and when I tried to stop him he lashed out at me…he even called me a bad word that starts with a 'B' and it was horrible! I'd never been called that in my whole life and here goes some _scum_ that thrives in the hell that I despise SO much and he hurts my friend and he has the nerve to call ME, Hinata, _Hyuuga_; heiress to the Hyuuga clan a bitch?! I now despise him…. Gaara however came to our rescue; it seems that he can control them both….

While I was in Suna I hurt so bad… I exchanged a few letters with Shino-kun but we both fell out of the writing fairly easy… Sad really… when we were talking it seemed that he and Kiba were drifting apart and it hurt me so much…my best friends were….no longer best friends with each other? I began to wonder if that happened with them, what must they think of me?! Diary…I have a horrible confession to make….I hurt myself… I hurt myself from _cutting_ myself intentionally.

I was very depressed…. Everything seemed so wrong and Temari and I would have these little stupid arguments that I couldn't understand it was because it was as if they arose from nowhere- like a monster in the dark out to claim our friendship which was one of the only things that kept me going. Temari was like my sister (my other one) and I treasured her deeply… She was so strong and outgoing where I was so…so…so pathetically _shy_ and _weak_! She was everything I wished I could be.

I visited back to Konoha a few months from being in Suna, however I only saw a few people…I was there strictly on duty and couldn't go and see barely anyone since many of my friends were out on mission…it hurt but I knew I had to be thankful for the chance that I got and I could only hope I got another chance again and when that did happen I would be able to do much more.

Shortly after returning to Suna I realized how much I missed everyone. There was Naruto-kun though…I got to hang out with him for a bit, even if it was time shared with Sakura-san and Sasuke-san… Sasuke-san was pleasant enough though while I was there… and basically I've just been trying to survive this Sandy place… Sunagakure…. But then this great chance arose and I knew I had to take it!

That's what brought back me to Konoha.

I was able to enjoy some training with friends and I even spent time with the family. It was a Hyuuga Main and Branch house party so basically all the Hyuuga were there. It wasn't for me…it was for a holiday, but I know that father put his heart into it to make it feel like a welcome back for me, even if only it was a short lived welcome back home… At the party many people conversed and I saw many that I missed and some of them I didn't recognize…I ended up hanging out with Neji-kun and Hanabi-chan in a room secluded for the most part from everyone else. This one guy that I knew before seemed to be flirting with me or something…I didn't really understand it….but that's insignificant… Neji-kun and I always sat next to each other…he was very kind, and playful with me… he said that he had a girlfriend…I've never met her before though but she sounds nice enough… I don't want to sound self centered but I think he was flirting with me…and I was flirting back???

Our time together was great and it was horrible when he had to leave…we hugged….and his arms fit so warmly around me…it was so comforting and I don't want to be selfish but I wished that we could just BE together and I completely forgot about his girlfriend and I hugged him with all my heart-almost- because I didn't want him to reject me…. He left… but then he came back, apparently the branch house was to stay a bit longer! This same time around we sat with each other and I was very tempted to lay my head on his shoulder because I was so very, very tired but I didn't… I'm glad that I didn't… I restrained myself so well…I kind of wish I didn't though….maybe things between us would be different but then, then what if that didn't work out?!

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Well…he ended up leaving, and this time for real….I stole his a kunai from him hoping that he would stay longer, it seemed out of nowhere that this plan was formatted in my head…but its idiocy was soon shown because then instead I just hurt myself… I cut the back of my right hand, luckily not enough to draw blood but it still hurt….he seemed worried which was so…weird? But it sent my stomach into a flurry. Being clever I acted like I didn't hurt…he would just think I was a weakling and that was something I couldn't stand…I couldn't ever go back to how he used to treat me….how bad it used to be…. He used to be so…so mean….

The next day he was out on a mission so I hung out with Kurenai-sensei since she strangely was not on a mission that Kiba-kun and Shino-kun were on….then the day after that I returned to stupid Suna…

Well I've been in Suna for a couple of months again now and every now and then I send letters to Hanabi-chan and Neji-kun. She always says he'll write back soon but I haven't received a single scroll from him…and it hurts…it hurts so much and I don't understand it because we're just Hyuuga, we shouldn't have feelings like this and I especially shouldn't feel this way for him because he's a BRANCH member and this probably sounds like me giving a bunch of stupid excuses' and I know that I am but I can't help it… I just… I want him but he has a girlfriend and besides we live too far and all but KAMI I want him so bad, to be in his arms again. I miss him and it hurts. It. Hurts. SO MUCH.

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Yep uhm that was it...a little inspired from real life happenings and I really needed to write some of it out and after that I was like 'hey this could be like a story' so yeh...that is how this came to be. Any constructive critsism is helpful, I love becoming a better writer yeh uh...hahah yeh...thanks for reading and I hope you found this enjoyable!!!

ElishiaNoBaka


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